Smile
by bearlybreathing
Summary: Sometimes you meet someone who helps you move on, helps someone else grow up, and knows that when you really love some one you let them go, with a smile...THIS IS STILL A SPASHLEY STORY! just give it time
1. Chapter 1

There are many things that happen that you see coming a mile away, and on the other hand there are many things that you don't see. Like at all. Like walking to your friends studio because you left your portfolio there and instead getting a crying blond in your arms. I knew her form school. Everyone knew of the whole Ashley, Spencer saga. Everyone knew of prom. Especially the ones effected. Especially me when I looked in the mirror and see the scars form the bullets.

I don't even think she realizes that she's in my arms, and I don't even realize that my keys and my coffee are now on the ground. I really wanted that coffee. I needed that coffee. I was up all night with Chelsea helping her with the memorial piece she's working on. As I'm counting how many hours I've been up she finally looks up.

I honestly cant breath. She's breathtaking. Her eyes are red and rimmed with tears, but that didn't take away from the extremity of the color blue, that was her eyes. I saw so much loss in her eyes. I obviously knew about Clay, but this was different, this was as if she lost the last straw. I look closer and I see closure. Sad but closure.

She must finally realize that she's in a "strangers" arms. Its not as if we have had all our classes together since she moved here or anything. Ok, but we have. She backs away a little but I still keep my arms loosely placed on her back. For some reason I don't want to completely let go. I like her in my arms. To be honest I always looked at Spencer. Always found her beautiful. Always seemed to look at her and Ashley's linked hands a little to longingly. Not in a creepy way, but in a way that said how much I would love to be linked with someone's hand. This may or may not be a dream come true. But who wouldn't think that.

She's looking at me. She's actually looking at me in my eyes. Like I exist. I'm not sure how I feel about that. She tries to smile but she fails. Even frowning, even in this state, she breathtaking. She slowly backs away and out of my arms. Its silent as she tries to wipe the tears that have fallen and dry the tears that have yet to be shed.

"I'm sorry, you don't even know me and I'm here crying on your shoulder"

I try to tell her that she does in fact "know" me, and that I don't mind, but I just stand here listening to her. She's upset and she's talking uncontrollably, flinging her arms around and not noticing the tears that are so freely falling down her face. With every word I feel it. I feel the hurt and I see it.

"I just had to do the hardest thing ever, I had to walk away from her looking all broken like that, but you know? she deserves it! Right?

I try to answer but I'm cut off

"RIGHT! I don't deserve her just up and disappearing, I mean I was there when she lost her dad, but she cant be there for me…"

Again she looks at me but I don't have time to answer

"No, she has to get all confused and leave for Europe, who does that…Who up and leaves the person they claim to love and just leave…"

She's crying again.

"I am so sorry, I really am not like this, ever."

She goes to walk past me, trying to get away. I should have let her walk by. I should have just let her go. She was obviously upset and needed time. She obviously was emotionally upset. But here I was thinking about reaching out. I have wanted to do so, since prom… since her brother died and I stood here still alive. Scared but still alive s. I remember watching her do her video monologue for MTV's documentary on the shooting. Just wanting to ask her if she was mad at me for breathing. Just wondering how she was. Just wondering…

Should I reach for her?


	2. Chapter 2

I promise that there will be Spashley! They belong together, and thats how it is! But after the prom and all that had happened, and the fact that i hated carmens character, i believed that Spencer needed someone to help her grow and become more comfortable and confident with herself. and Ashley honestly needed a slap in the face, and a reality check. this story is about growing and coming together. Give it a chance! Please!Read it! Comment! Tell me what you think!

Chapter 2 (Yeah, I should)

She's walking away from me, but before she gets to far and without me hesitating to much, I lightly pull on her wrist, turning her around. She doesn't look at me, she just keeps her head down.

"Spencer?" I say as a whisper, barely audible but I know she heard me because she's looking at me surprised that I even know her name.

"Of course I know your name, Spencer." I emphasis her name at the end just to let her know how well I know her name. I'm still whispering, but in a tone that says that it was stupid to even think I didn't know who she was. It was a command in a way. A how dare you think that you are unnoticeable.

Her eyes travel to my hand that is still lightly around her wrist. I let go and feel myself become embarrassed. It is a bit awkward just standing here quietly like this, but neither of us made any movement. I honestly don't know if she even knows what to do with herself, she just looks that alone and broken. And I think to myself if she even does know my name. Am I that unnoticeable, even to Spencer Carlin, the girl who sees things in people no one else does. The girl that made Ashley Davies crumble and run scared. Maybe she didn't know who I was at all. Two bullet holes later. Two stretchers away from her brother and she possibly didn't even know my first name.

Sick of the silence I broke it with a whispered question

"How did you get here?"

Her response even lower then my question

"I walked"

I sigh knowing that I have a conscious, and I cant just walk away now. I cant leave her now. With another sigh I take a step forward and gently guide her with my hand on the small of her back.

"Come on I'll drive you home"

"I can't go home right now… I cant walk in there and them see me like this and know exactly what happened… for my mom to look at me like she knew this would all happen…" she was pleading, telling me with her eyes to do anything but make her go back.

I'm looking at her. Its intense. Everything she's feeling I see it. Her eyes tell me everything.

"Where do you want to go?"

Her eyes glazed over, like she had heard that before. Like she had been asked that question before. She looked like she was remembering something. Something hurtful.

She finally opened her mouth, and closed it back, then took a big breath and asked me.

"When you feel like you cant breath, where do you go?"

I know exactly where I go, and where I go is not where she needs to go.

"I don't think going there is the best idea…"

She says one word

"Please…"

So I nod and we set out on foot, because the place I go when I cant breath isn't that far away form Chelsea's studio. In fact it's a place where many try to pretend doesn't exist.

We are standing in front of the King High School sign, there's candles and pictures of all the ones who died that night smiling back at us. Its ironic that they are smiling, but then again it's a memorial, a memorial to remember the good, not the bad of the gun shots ringing in high school students' ears.

"I told you, you wouldn't want to come here"

To my surprise she doesn't flinch at my words or stiffen at our location. She simply walked over to her brothers picture and picked it up.

"You know, Clay was the first family member I confided in about Ashley. He supported me… and her for that matter. I cant believe he's gone. It still feels like he is going to walk through the door at any moment."

I'm even more surprised that she is actually talking

"Spencer you don't have to…."

I don't finish the sentence, I just leave it hanging in the thick air between us.

"If I didn't want to share I wouldn't have, I'm not as fragile as I look right now…"

She said this with such conviction. Everyone around her must treat her like this little broken doll that they want to fix. Everyone must just be walking on eggshells around her, standing right next to her waiting for her to breakdown. Everyone must think that she is just to stupid to see the new behavior. To blind to see how strong she is.

She is kneeling still holding her brother's picture, but she soon places it back, but never turns toward me. She still is gazing at the memorial. I'm standing behind her. Probably a couple of feet away so I'm not hovering over her private time with her brother. My hands are in my to baggy jeans pocket, a nervous habit my mother would scold me for especially if she saw that I was slouching.

I contemplate my words. I decide to just say what I'm thinking, no matter the way they sound. If she can open up, so can I.

"I never said you were fragile, Spencer, or that you were anything shy from strong. What I'm assuming happened with Ashley, what I'm gathering you did, and you being here tonight at this place not crying but smiling at your brothers picture, shows the world just how brave and courageous you are, its their loss if they don't see it. I'm sorry."

"For?"

"I'm not sure…?"

It was quiet again, but this time not awkward. She finally stood and walked two steps in front of me. She looked at me and took in my appearance. She started at my feet taking in my white high top vans, then my loose pants, the button up checkered skater shirt and my backwards cap. I was the complete opposite of Ashley. I was the complete opposite of any girl at this school. And she looked at me like that was a good thing.

Her eyes were no longer rimmed with tears but now were full of curiosity, and they softened some how.

"Do they hurt?"

I was confused at first, but then I realized she was talking about my bullet wounds. It was even weird to think of me having bullet wounds. The words tasted weird on my tongue even though they have never left my mouth. The thought alone just seemed surreal.

"They hurt every now and then, but they feel ok…I still have a slight limp but all in all, for the most part I'm in one piece."

She looks at me thoughtfully

"Where are they?"

I tapped my left shoulder about four inches above my heart and then the back of my right leg, and then turned toward her and shrugged my shoulders, still feeling a slight pain and stiffness in my shoulder. It had been months yes but the doctors told me to expect to never be the same again.

"The doctors told me that I had to have been shot first in my shoulder which made me whip around and then that was when I was hit in the leg."

She looked at me like she wanted to hear more, but I didn't want to get any deeper than I already was. I looked at her and the street lights that played on her golden skin just made her look even more beautiful. I felt guilty for thinking that, because I know she has had a long night and an even longer few months. I felt guilty yes, but I couldn't help but just watch the sparkle in her blues eyes dance as the lights made everything glow.

She just stared there looking at me expecting me to say something, anything.

"You have no idea how much I just want to tell you everything. To tell you what I saw. I know you know I was right there with him. I know that you know that I watched him grab Chelsea. And I want to tell you, I do. But tonight isn't the time."

She wanted to interject I know it. She wanted to tell me she was strong enough to hear it. That she needed to hear it. Even one more time, that her brother went down saving the girl he loved and his unborn baby. A hero. But I couldn't do it. Just thinking about it made my scars tingle with warning and remembrance. I was broken. That night broke me, and it left scares and holes to prove it.

"I can't handle it tonight Spencer. Please…. If I promise to talk to you… soon… can we pleas just not do it tonight?"

She searched my eyes to see if there was truth in my words and she must of saw it. She nodded her head and I sent her a small half there smile and a just above silent 'thank you.'

We walked back to my car and I opened the passenger side door for her. It was just a beat up old muscle car, nothing like what I knew Ashley drove, but she never once let on that it wasn't up to her standards, instead she thanked me for the gesture of opening her door. The look in her eye told me no one had done that before. Had no one really ever opened the door for her before? The assumption literally made me sad. I walked over to my side and put the key in the ignition. I started the car and she quietly, not to disturb the comfortable silence, told me the directions to her house. She had long already gotten calls from worried parents.

We pulled up to her house and she slowly unbuckled her seatbelt. If this had been any other night I would have kissed her right there. But tonight that was not an option. She opened the door slightly but turned to say something.

"Thank you for tonight, you have no idea how great it was to just cry in safe arms."

And then she said it. My name.

"thank you again, Jessica"

Normally I hate it when people call me that. My full name. I go by Jess, not Jessica. But the way if felt when her voice reached my ears, made me not hate it so much. And even after this long night I smiled. A real, big, cheek to cheek smile, and she reflected it right back at me, with a smile of her own. She knew who I was.

She got out of the car slowly and gently but firmly shut the car door. She leaned in the open window and I took her in. I was so lost in her I almost missed her words.

"I love your smile… its contagious…"

I did not speak, it was unneeded, it would ruin the progress that we had both made. She looked at me with deep thanks once more and then pushed off of the car and walked to her awaiting parents, I was sure was waiting on the other side of her front door. She looked back at me once more and said.

"A promise is a promise"

"I know"

Was all that was said back. I watched her enter her house with one more look back. I smiled once more, and flinched in the revelation that my cheeks hurt. Had it really been that long since I smiled for real.

"A promise is a promise" her words spun in my head. I guess I was to see this girl again.


	3. Chapter 3

~Smile~

Chapter Three (A promise is a promise)

I don't even know how I made it to sleep last night. To be honest, I really didn't. Her words, her smile, her tears, the way she looked at her brothers picture, couldn't and wouldn't leave my swarming mind. Not only my mind but the slightly stinging scars that tingled every time I thought of them or that night. I also don't know why I'm going to school today, to be honest there isn't anyone at home to stop me form staying home. Nevertheless, here I am, parking my car in my assigned spot, putting a pencil in my pocket, and grabbing my notebook.

I nod at a few people, while I'm trying to search for Chelsea. I still need my portfolio. I'm scanning the parking lot but I don't see her so I make my way to the quad. While walking towards the steps I spot Aiden ride up on his bike with a girl on the back. A girl that looks like Ashley. Ashley and Aiden. Together. In the morning. I'm drawing my conclusions when I spot Kyla, and she sends me a wave that doesn't seem to be as happy as it could be. Kyla is walking with Spencer, who has yet to notice me. I look from one group to the other. And then again.

The conclusion isn't hard to come to, and as I see Spencer look at Kyla and then to Ashley, I can tell she has figured it out. I watch as her and Kyla exchange a quick and frustrated moment. Spencer storms off towards Ashley and Kyla looks at no one in particular. She looks almost completely defeated, as she carefully follows the blond . I slowly look away from the brunette and look towards the plane crash disaster that this is going to be. What the hell is Ashley doing. And with Aiden. I cant seem to bring myself to look away or to not listen in. Which isn't hard to do considering that Spencer's voice isn't at her usual shy volume.

"Wow, it didn't even take you one night!"

"Look, Spence, It's not even…."

Ashley tried to explain but was cut off by an extremely irate Spencer

"What are you going to say Ash? That you love me! Cuz that's really clear right now! Isn't it?"

She looks at Ashley with such disbelief, shakes her head to keep form crying, and then turns on her heels in Ashley's opposite direction. She was mad I could tell, especially by the way she was walking away. Or stomping. But more than that she was hurt, and she couldn't believe it. Like she was being stabbed in the front, by the very thing she was afraid she saw coming, even before the other two new it. Everyone saw it coming, and I think that's what embarrassed Spencer the most.

I had that choice again. To go after her. I was at the same crossroad I found myself at last night. Except, today it was actual day time. Light outside. There was no where to hide, or take her that no one couldn't see. In the daylight I would expose myself. Be something that's not invisible to the people around me.

I spot Chelsea, but she doesn't see me. Kyla, still looking lost, is already on her way to what seems to be her locker. Ashley and Aiden are just standing there. I honestly don't think either of them know what exactly to do. And if what seems to have happened last night between the two, actually did happened, then neither of them deserve my sympathy, or anyone else's. I turn to look for Spencer just to see a trace of her blond hair go into the girls bathroom.

I follow her. How could you expect me not to? And as I'm walking toward the bathrooms I realize I really don't know what to say. I stand outside the door and count to five. 1 breath 2 breath 3 breath 4 breath 5 open the door, very slowly. So slowly its as if I'm worried of what I might see, or if something is going to jump out at me. But, instead I see her, hands on both sides of a white cold sink, with her head down.

I see her look at me using the mirror, I believe she doesn't think I can see her peer at me, but I can. She's not crying but I can tell she is trying to be strong. There is a light tap as the swing door closes on us. She's looking at me through the window now, full on looking at me. She's at a loss of words, and to be quite honest, so am I.

This isn't my job to take care of her. It really isn't. But yet here I am. In the girls bathroom staring at her through a dirty mirror. Here I was knowing that I couldn't walk away. I've said it once and I will say it numerous times. She is beautiful. But this isn't like that. At this moment. I'm drawn to her. But not because she is beautiful but because we are both hurt, because we are connected some how, because we are both alone, and both here.

All I do is match her gaze through the mirror. I look at her with no expression and hold out my arms, wide. Wide and waiting for her to come into them. She gave me a lopsided grin and pushed off of the sink, much like she pushed off of my car last night. She pushed off the sink and walked head down right into my arms.

I enveloped her in my embrace, praying that my arms were worthy enough for her to be this close. I got my answer when I felt her shoulders vibrate to signify that she was crying. I just held her, and when her tears came harder, I let her know I was there by bringing her even more close. One of my hands was placed gentle but firm on the small of her back and the other placed on the back of her head.

There was no talking. Just light swaying and hushed 'its going to be ok's.' I tried not getting mad at Ashley, I really did. I tried not thinking about what she had done, and most importantly, what it had done to Spencer. I tried to push all thoughts of anything but Spencer's tears away. And after minutes that felt like hours and years I let everything slip away except for her slight sounds and my hands rubbing up and down her back, coaxing her to stop crying.

She finally made one last sniffle and looked up at me. Her hands where around my neck and our faces where inches apart. How easy would it be for me to kiss her? So very easy. But I don't. Instead I lead her back to the sinks. She is a mess. Her make up is running, her eyes are red and puffy, so much so that they look like they hurt.

I reach for some paper towels and wet them a little and begin to clean her up as much as I possible can with the little supplies I have. When I was done whipping her face I took the paper towel and tapped her nose with it, causing her to slightly smile. Most likely the first smile today.

"See I'm not the only one with a contagious smile."

This caused her to smile a bit more and me in return. I make a circle motion around my face to draw notice to my smile.

"See? Contagious…"

She let out a breathless laugh and began to talk

"At one point or another I should probably stop crying on your shoulder"

"Nah, that's what its there for"

"It's not your job to be my crying post"

"Then maybe you should pay me"

"Take me away form here, and I'll buy you breakfast"

"You do owe me a coffee, just saying"

"Drive?"

"Anywhere you want to go"

As I say this I open there door to the bathroom so we can walk out. Her first, and of course I follow behind her.

We end up just grabbing a couple of iced coffee's and walking around the walking trail at the park near her house. We were just walking in a comfortable silence, till she broke it.

"You know, a promise is a promise"

I knew what she meant about this. She wanted to talk. She wanted to hear about that night. I think that, that was the big elephant in the room with us. Like, there was not room for us to start anything until everything was out in the open. She didn't need any more secrets, and we both needed to get this off our chests.

I wanted some form of relationship with this girl. I wanted more than just the nods and little waves we gave each other because we both knew Chelsea. Fact was, I saw her brother fall. I saw him die. Not two feet away from me. I saw it. And in some way that connected us. In an even bigger way she needed to know everything, so she could continue to move on and look at her brothers pictures with a happy smile and not a sad one.

I nod my head acknowledging that I know and that I plan on keeping my promise. I motion to the nearest bench and we walk towards it. She sits down and gets herself situated as I do the same next to her. I look up at the sky and contemplate my words. How to chose them wisely and how to start. I can feel her looking at me. She's not burning holes into the side of my head or anything but instead she is studying me. I turn and look at her and as soon as my eyes meet hers I know that I can open up about this and know that she will keep it within this park.

"I've known Chelsea since grade school, but we didn't start actually being friends till freshman year when we both got keys to the studio here on campus, because we were the top art students here at King… I have friends here but only here at school, I'm not one of the kids invited to all the parties, but I'm the one they talk and wave to at school. Chelsea was my first real friend. We made each other a promise. A promise that I would follow her to Paris to study art, if she later followed me to Barcelona."

I took a deep breath

"When Clay came around, I instantly liked him. He was good for her. He never made her feel like her dreams didn't match up to his, like her other boyfriends did. He was a great guy, but I'm sure you know this."

She nodded, hanging on my every word

"She loved him so much and still does, I can see it. She was so scared to tell him about the baby, and when she did tell him, I honored him for wanting to keep it. They would of made great parents together, and now Chelsea is going to have to patch the hole of the missing father figure and be the mother figure to. All Chelsea wanted was one last night of pure fun before the pregnancy and life weighed them both down."

Another deep breath

"We. Chelsea, Sean, Clay, and myself. We heard you and Ashley. And then we saw Aiden chase after you two. I think we all instantly knew what had happened… Anyway, we followed, and not two seconds had we made it outside we heard them. I remember the looks of confusion as we heard the string of shots. I heard them hit and bounce off the sign of the school. I heard them hit the brick walls next to me, and then it finally registered. I turned to tell them to get down and then was distracted by a loud scream. I turned toward the scream then I jolted back and then something made my leg give out and I was, before I knew it, face down in the ground. "

I took the deepest breath I could muster. It was shake-y and the lump in my throat made it hard to even take a breath, let alone a big one. I looked at her, and saw that she had tears already built in her eyes. They were daring to spill over, but they didn't. I looked down at my hands and continued

"I must have been in shock because I didn't even know that I had been shot. I just knew that I could barely turn over on my back. That's when I say Clay try and wheel Chelsea around and back towards the school. I saw him get shot, three times. Once in his shoulder and twice in his chest. Even after that he still made Chelsea stay down. My vision was getting blurry but I was going in and out. It became so quiet, so quiet that I heard Chelsea whisper his name. I blacked out to a ringing sound, but woke back up to see Clay in the stretcher next to me…. I saw someone look at his watch and then cover his head with a white sheet. I don't know how many times I can say I'm sorry, but I am. If I could give you back your brother I would. If I could take his place, I would in a second. He didn't deserve it. You didn't deserve it. My best friend in the world didn't deserve it, and neither did their unborn baby."

I was crying so hard that the last few sentences where no where near coherent. I was on my knees in front of her. Begging her for forgiveness. I shouldn't be alive. She should have a brother, Chelsea should have the love of her life, and that baby should have a dad. I was crying for myself. I was crying for forgiveness. For guilt. For everything that I had seen. For everything that shouldn't have happened. And all the blond did was let me lay in her lap, knees in the mud, and cry as she stroked my hair.


End file.
